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  • Writer's pictureKatherine Bassiri, LPCC

Let's talk about Neurodivergent Shame

I'll let you in on a little secret:


I am an incredibly "flawed" parent, therapist, wife, friend, woman, business owner (etc etc).

For most of my life I have been on a mission to hide this from people. My "Neurodivergent Protectors" AKA imposter syndrome, rejection sensitivity, perfectionism, masking, and overcompensating parts have RULED MY WORLD, ultimately trying to protect me from pain. Underneath all of this is what I call "Neurodivergent Shame."


Neurodivergent Shame comes from feeling like your traits and ways of being in the world are wrong. Embarrassment and humiliation come in when (no matter how hard you try) the traits that have been deemed "bad" or "undesirable" sneak out (and sometimes not so subtley).

Growing up, the more conscious I became of these "flaws," the more I tried to hide them using my Neurodivergent Proectors. It took me a while to understand that the "flaws" I had worked so hard to hide away: my messiness, flight of thoughts, emotional sensitivity, intense moods, overuse of parentheses, and honesty (to name a few) all made sense when I saw them through the lens of being differently wired. The truth is, no matter how hard any of us try to hide it and change it, we are all different (and always will be).


Ann Voskamp said, "Shame dies when stories are told in safe places," and I have to agree. I would also add that, "Neurodivergent Shame dies when we stab all the haters with our pointy awards."


Pictured: A very human parent, therapist, wife, friend, woman, business owner (etc etc) holding a pointy award of femininity


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